International Day of the Girl

In honour of international day of the girl, here's me and my girl surviving our first day without Dad! As you'll have seen from my earlier post I was very anxious and lacking confidence this morning - but it's gone really well and we've managed it! Dad due home anytime now and we can't wait to see him for cuddles xx

Flying solo

Today is my first day with Lucy without the Boy. We have been very blessed to have him with us 24 / 7 the last three weeks which has been amazing. While it's been an exhausting and at times difficult few weeks, being together has made everything so much easier - two pairs of hands have certainly been better than one where little lady has been concerned! It's been like a long holiday and I must confess to feeling a certain amount of trepidation about going solo today. It does feel like I have a little case of the post-holiday blues, you know when you've come back from this most amazing trip and then real life kicks in again and the little bubble you've been in has burst. But this time my reality is Lucy and she is a complete delight (most of the time!) so I'm hoping I'll start to feel a bit calmer and more settled all the time as the hours and days go by, and that I can really start believing in myself as a Mum.

I know I will get more confident as each day passes and the first day without the Boy was always going to be a bit tricky - even when I've been looking after Lucy, he has been in the background offering support, reassurance and advice. When my instinct has been to do something for her, he has encouraged me. When things have been going less well, he's stepped in to try and soothe our lovely girl and offer a calming presence. Now it feels a bit scary trusting myself alone in the day times. I just hope I can get it right and be a good Mum. It is a big learning curve for me and Lucy! Hopefully she will be patient with me - and hopefully, probably key to all this, I can be gentle on myself and not worry too much.

Lucy was a bit grizzly after the Boy left today - we had an hour of unsettled sleep and a few tears and grumblings. But since then she's had a good feed, a bit of a cuddle and play with me, and she's now been asleep for nearly an hour and a half... I should probably be napping too, but I feel a bit anxious today as it all seems a bit new. Am far too wired to sleep! I hope as the days go by I can relax more and make the most of these quiet moments to do nothing and put my feet up! I'll keep you posted!

A new arrival in the Beans household!

Please forgive me for the lack of posts lately - the last month or so has been a bit of a whirlwind, as our beautiful daughter Lucy Grace has arrived!!! The Boy and I are completely smitten, completely knackered, and completely overwhelmed to be a family at last!

I may be a little biased but I think Lucy is the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen. It is remarkable to see her growing and changing every day and I can already see how parenthood is going to be the biggest rollercoaster of our lives. She is a very chilled out little lady (must take after the Boy!) and we feel very lucky and blessed to have her with us.

Lucy arrived on 20 September at 4.54pm weighing in at bang on 8lbs. Suffice to say the birth didn't go quite as expected... at my 37 weeks midwife appointment my midwife was a little concerned that Lucy wasn't engaged and didn't seem to be in the right position - having been head down for most of the pregnancy. I was sent up to St Thomas's Hospital for a routine scan to check what was what - where they discovered that Lucy was transverse with the umbilical cord presenting. This is extremely rare (happens in less that one per cent of pregnancies, and is even more unusual in first time mums!) and is potentially fatal - I was told that if I was to go into labour naturally at home or my waters were to break and the cord came out first, it was very likely we would lose Lucy.

So, after the scan I was hospitalised and spent nearly 3 weeks in the antenatal ward at Tommies while we hoped and prayed that Lucy would work herself into a safer position. Unfortunately I had the combination of a transverse baby, a heart-shaped uterus, and too much amniotic fluid which meant that didn't happen. She was happy as Larry wiggling away to her heart's content and mostly with her head parked behind my belly button (extremely uncomfortable!) and we couldn't get her to settle long enough with her head down to try inducing me or going for a natural birth. We gave it our best shot - and those three weeks I spent in hospital away from the Boy at the time felt like the longest of my life.

The best - and really, only - way forward to keep Lucy and I safe was a planned c-section which I had on my due date, 20 September. It wasn't what I had envisaged or wanted, but when circumstances change and you understand the risks to your baby, you have to go with the flow and be flexible. At the end of the day all that mattered was our baby came into the world alive and safe, and thankfully that is what happened.

The operation was very strange and I will write more on it another time, but the staff were very reassuring and highly skilled and everything went as well as it could done. We were still able to incorporate some parts of our birth plan - the Boy cut the cord and I had skin-to-skin with Lucy and was able to nurse her... and now she is here and is so wonderful, the way in which she came into the world seems increasingly unimportant. Physically I am healing well - and after a few hiccups with our latch Lucy is feeding well and putting on weight. Hopefully she'll be a chunkster like her Mum in no time ;-)

On that note it is probably time for me to get back to her and give her some lunch, so I will try to write some more soon about how everything has been, my beautiful girl, my wonderful husband and how we are getting on settling into family life. She's certainly turned our world upside down - but we were so, so ready for a little bit of chaos. She rocks :-) xx

Never Give Up On Your Dreams

For those of you who know me you know that I've always got too much going on and generally speaking I like it that way.   In the next several weeks I may be testing even my juggling abilities, but I'm excited to try.  

I've been dying to tell you about something but it has taken me a while to share it for fear that it wouldn't be happening but the date keeps getting closer so I'm going to share my news.  To start with my job is  amazing.  I have the joy of being able to help people with my company engage in volunteering.  Together, we work to make communities better - to make a difference in our community. 

For over a year now I've been the President of the Corporate Volunteer Council of Atlanta.  The CVC as it is called is one of the most wonderful organizations that I've ever been involved with and the friendships I've made through this involvement means so very much to me.  Because of my involvement with the CVC, this summer an incredible opportunity crossed my path.   The CVC was invited to travel to Zimbabwe to participate in a conference on corporate social responsibility and so, I'm going. 

If you've read this far and thinking "wow," let me just say that I am too but I've been "wowed" for a couple of months but for a different reason.  

When I was perhaps seven years old a missionary from Rhodesia came to my church.  As a child I listened to him share stories about the country and the people and from then on I was convinced that I would be a missionary in Africa - not just Africa, Rhodesia.  Until the age of twelve or so, deep inside I knew what my future looked like though I kept that small nugget tucked deep inside my heart.  As a G.A. (stands for Girls Auxiliary, later Girls in Action), every week I would keep the missionaries in Rhodesia in my prayers.  But teenage years got in the way and I adjusted my career goals.  And so as an adult I began to study French and decided that when I finally retired I would join the Peace Corp so that I could fulfill my childhood dream of working somewhere in Africa.  The French seemed like a great way to learn the language and be able to combine my dream with a new goal.   There are plenty of French-speaking African countries.   Who would have ever imagine that 50 years later an opportunity to go to the place I dreamed of would come to me?  To me this is nothing short of a miracle.

I've cried several times since the email arrived asking for someone from the CVC to come and help with the seminar.   The people making the request have no idea that their request was, for me at least, a dream come true. 

There will be more about this journey I'm sure but for now I had to write to say  that you shouldn't give up on your dreams.  Dreams do come true and while they may come in a different form, they can also end up being better than anything you would have ever imagined.  

A Moment of Silence

Usually we stop and think about veterans on Memorial Day or Veteran’s Day but this week on a work trip to D.C. I was moved by something that happened on my flight. 

The flight was boarding as usual and once I was seated and situated I looked out of the window to see a soldier holding a POW flag standing out on the tarmac.  Beside him was a white military carriage with a flag on top and the emblems of all of the branches of service. 

As one of the flight attendants passed by I stopped her and asked why there was a soldier on the tarmac and she confirmed that we were transporting the remains of a soldier. 

Nothing was mentioned as the flight attendants hustled about trying to get passengers seated and carry-on items placed in the overhead storage.  I was bothered that something deserving respect or a moment of quiet reflection was taking place and yet no one seemed to stop to notice. 

The flight took off and it was a normal flight until we landed.  Just after we touched down the pilot made an announcement, naming the soldier and letting us know that we were in fact delivering the fallen to his final resting place.  He went on to announce the name and rank of the Marine who was on board with us accompanying the body.  We were asked to remain seated once we arrived at our gate to allow the Marine to exit the plane first.  You could've heard a pin drop.  No one rushed, and in fact, no one moved.  Quietly and solemnly the Marine, holding his hat, made the walk to the front of the aircraft and off the plane.

Even when he was out of sight, no one moved for a matter of seconds.  Then someone began clapping and suddenly the plane was full of sound and emotion as all of us clapped for the fallen. No one was sure what to do but for a few minutes, a plane full of very busy people who were all in a hurry stopped to pay tribute to someone who gave his life for our country. 

Debbie Macomber Was a Life Saver

I'd never read a book written by Debbie Macomber when I bought a ticket to attend her lecture and book signing.  I had seen Mrs. Miracle on the Hallmark Channel and remembered it as being a very sweet movie but after having gotten my feelings hurt at the blog seminar, I thought something sweet might be good therapy. 

It just so happened Debbie's event was the next evening and in all truthfulness I almost didn't attend.  I was still struggling with the question of what contributions I make to the world.  I was feeling blue.  

Debbie Macomber was lecturing at the Margaret Mitchell house and it's on my way home from work so I stopped in.  I was late and ended up being one of the last people seated.  I didn't have a good view but it didn't take a perfect seat to hear what Debbie had to say.  

Debbie arrived just a few minutes after I got seated and she shared how she was dyslexic and didn't learn to read until she was ten years old.  In dealing with a lifetime of negativity from her teachers and her parents, somehow she knew deep inside that she wanted to be a writer.   She shared her poignant story about how she had submitted stories for publication multiple times only to get rejection letters.  She spoke about how she had written a letter to Norman Vincent Peale, author of The Power of Positive Thinking.  He wrote her back.  His letter of encouragement helped her persevere.   

There were more rejections but because of a letter from Norman Vincent Peale and a family who believed in her, Debbie Macomber continued to try to get a book published and it worked!   Just take a look at her book list.  And guess what...Debbie's snail mail address is inside the front cover of all of her books.  If you write her a letter, she will write you back.  She shares in the same way that Norman Vincent Peale shared with her many years ago.  

I was so moved by the whole event.  I cried.  Just 48 hours before this event I'd been singled out of a crowd and confronted with the question of what I was contributing to mankind.  I'm still trying to answer that question but after meeting Debbie, what I realized is that the small things matter.  Kindness matters. I might not be able to quantify what I'm adding to the world but I can tell you that encouraging other people, saying positive things and being a positive influence does make a difference in the world. 

When we all lined up to get our books signed, Debbie took time with each of us to hear what we had to say and to take photos.  I aspire to be an example of graciousness, goodness and positive influence, sharing my gifts with others in need.  This is what I hope to add to the world, on my blog, with my family and in my community.  

From the heart.  Jojo

I Had the Blog Kicked Out of Me!

Seriously!

Nearly a month ago I decided to take a blogging class.  It was offered by two local personalities who are both very successful in their fields and my hope was that I would get some great tips for blog layout and design and also some suggestions on the written material. 

Something happened during the class.  We went around the room and each of us were supposed to introduce ourselves, share our names, why we blog and something about our objectives.   

When it was my turn to speak I shared my blog title which was quickly projected on a big screen.  I tried to be as clear and concise as possible but frankly the day is now so blurry in my mind because of what happened. The presenter at the front of the room began describing the funnel concept (and at least I still remember that).  Then somehow the other instructor was by my side, standing a couple of feet away asking me what would the world be missing without me in it.  As a blogger, can you answer that question? 

I heard myself stammer and fumble on words without being able to answer the question and for the rest of the afternoon session I was so upset. Why was that question directed to me?   I felt scalded by the question and frankly it has taken me some time away from posting in order to muster the courage to blog once more since that awful moment.

Initially I was disturbed and hurt by what happened though I kept trying to understand why the instructor came to ask only me, "What would the world be missing without you in it?"  

I still can't answer that question but the next week I experienced a small miracle.  I got to meet Debbie Macomber! So later this week I'll be back to tell you how she made me cry and cheered me up, at the same time.